REPORTER 1: Madame Director! Why is Chen Liu being released?
FBI DIRECTOR PATEL: Mr. Liu is a Chinese national. USCIS has revoked his visa and begun the process of returning him to his homeland. Please let me through.
REPORTER 2: Why is the government deporting a known money launderer and black marketeer?
PATEL: Though he is not a citizen, Mr. Liu is entitled to due process. It is the position of the U.S. government that the speediest resolution to this matter is deportation. There will be a full press conference at the White House once the matter is resolved.
REPORTER 3: Does that mean you don’t think you have enough evidence to win at trial? Or was a deal brokered with Beijing?
PATEL: Come on, Chris. I won’t speculate on the outcomes of a trial that isn’t even being contemplated.
REPORTER 3: What about Beijing?
REPORTER 1: Have you spoken with the president?
PATEL: I have. She feels the same way I do. The current situation is unfortunate but is in the best interests of the American people.
REPORTER 4: What about the rumors that Customs found ytterbium among Mr Liu’s belongings?
PATEL: Any matters pertaining to the illegal importation of controlled substances is the remit of U.S. Customs and Border Patrol.
REPORTER 5: Does this mean the FBI is no longer investigating Liu or his associates?
PATEL: I won’t comment on the state of our investigation.
REPORTER 5: Does that mean it’s still active?
REPORTER 4: Was an artificial consciousness seized?
REPORTER 1: Why was Liu in the U.S.?
PATEL: I can’t comment on things I know nothing about.
REPORTER 5: How long before Mr. Liu is deported?
REPORTER 1: Can you confirm reports that there was $80 million in cash on his yacht?
PATEL: I don’t know the total, but it was a lot.
REPORTER 2: Where do you think he got that kind of money?
PATEL: I wouldn’t know.
REPORTER 1: Where is Mr. Liu being held?
PATEL: That’s up to Homeland.
REPORTER 4: This is at least the seventh time in as many years that caches of ytterbium have been seized.
REPORTER 6: How will this affect U.S.-China relations?
PATEL: I suggest you ask the State Department.
REPORTER 3: Mr. Liu recently had meetings with several government officials. When will the substance of those meetings be made public?
REPORTER 4: Ytterbium ions are a necessary component of quantum consciousness, are they not?
PATEL: I only dance with my wife, Rachel. If you have a question, at least have the balls to ask.
[laughter]
REPORTER 4: Is there any evidence that a third party might have orchestrated Liu’s capture in order to seize—
PATEL: Okay, listen. The NSA and FBI are in unanimous agreement with US Cyber Command. When is that ever the case, huh? There is no evidence, here or anywhere, of an underground railroad for rogue AIs. The so-called Pure Idea Exchange or IDEOLEX is an internet fabrication. It’s pure conspiracy fiction. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a very busy day. Thank you. Thank you. Out of the way.